Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
