he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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