Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
