I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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