Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
