I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
