her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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