just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
