I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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