i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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