I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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