Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
how does that bad decision feel?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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