in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
