i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
