Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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