the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
