Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
