Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think my vagina is haunted
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
