What did we do last night that was yellow?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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