Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
