Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
