Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Found the puke drawer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
