Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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