its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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