Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
