We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
