The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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