I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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