you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
