i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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