i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Still dying that you shit outside
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
