Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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