It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
