Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
