how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
