Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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