i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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