Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need some magic done to my vagina
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
