Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.