We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party