Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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  (925): I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it. (916): You're drunk. Make complete sentences. (925): It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand. http://tfl.nu/78xl
  Replies (13) Good night (2510) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny

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  (614): she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny http://tfl.nu/4cwi
  Replies (12) Good night (3000) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.

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  (951): hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit. http://tfl.nu/lqvy
  Replies (22) Good night (4137) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9676) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

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  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7776) Bad night (1347)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.

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  (502): I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean. http://tfl.nu/5uk0
  Replies (6) Good night (4261) Bad night (1292)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

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  (704): I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in. http://tfl.nu/jad0
  Replies (15) Good night (2397) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

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  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (6076) Bad night (1577)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk

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  (561): Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk http://tfl.nu/69zw
  Replies (2) Good night (1785) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?

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  (715): His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him? http://tfl.nu/r9a3
  Replies (21) Good night (1269) Bad night (1670)
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs

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  (567): She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs http://tfl.nu/brto
  Replies (9) Good night (2567) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.

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  (509): Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner. http://tfl.nu/7ypr
  Replies (6) Good night (730) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.

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  (317): SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON. http://tfl.nu/7e01
  Replies (3) Good night (1001) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore

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  (616): if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore http://tfl.nu/orke
  Replies (10) Good night (2310) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE

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  (785): SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE http://tfl.nu/zmng
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (310)

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