woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
