All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
