why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Someone signed my nipple.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
