In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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