I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style