I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
