just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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