can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
