I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize