How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he puts the penis in happiness.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that