Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...