Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.