Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.