Sry I called you an 8
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.