NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo