see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
