woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
