I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
