I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
