just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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