and she was petting her beer can
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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