i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
