don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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