I can text with my tongue
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
