Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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