We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think your dad took our porno
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
