Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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