Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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