I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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