I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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