We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
