Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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