I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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