grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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