If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
