Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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