I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
