So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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