worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
