I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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