Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
