So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
